Matt Wieters!

http://www.mattwietersfacts.com/

Quote

Quote from colin cowherd this morning:

"Women are all about dates, all these contraints and dates. Guys wake up and see a canvas, a sunshine, something for us to conquer. Women wake up and see dates."

"All we want is for you to look hot, don't do meth, and make out with us later."

Awesome. Wow. Very Cool.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MeiwLLZjDo

How Many Bananas?

Basketball is often determined by a few of the best players on the floor. back in the jordan era, there was a definite hierarchy, with scottie playing second banana. How are the bananas distributed nowadays?

Our determination of how many banana's a player has, MJ = 1st banana, so he gets one, pippen was a second banana so he gets 2, sean elliot '99, parker '03 and '05 not '07, were 3rd bananas


in no particular order as of right now
gilbert arenas is not ranked pending knee injury

1st Banana
Tim Duncan
Paul Pierce
derrick rose
Lebron James
Dwyane wade
Dwight Howard
Kobe Bryant
Dirk Nowitski
Chris Paul
Kevin Durant

1.5 bananas
Deron Williams
Chauncy Billups
Carmelo Anthony
ray allen
KG
Pau Gasol
Yao Ming
Tony parker
Manu ginobili
Al Jefferson *if healthy
Steve Nash
Brandon Roy

2nd bananas
Amare Stoudamire
Carlos Boozer
Tracy McGrady
Baron Davis
caron butler
josh smith
joe johnson *could be 1.5
danny granger
mo williams
devin harris
chris bosh
rip hamilton
Hedo Turkoglu
Monta ellis

2.5 banana
andre igoudala
Lamarcus Aldridge
David West
vince carter
OJ Mayo *at least, probably higher
Ron Artest
Rashard Lewis
ray felton
michael redd
delonte west
Tyson Chandler (when healthy)

3rd bananas
jose calderon
shane battier
shawn marion
Mehmet Okur
Kevin Love
nene hilario
Josh Howard
John Salmons
Lamar Odom
Antawn jameson
mike beasley
al horford
troy murphy
David Lee
andre miller
Luol Deng
Ben Gordon
tayshaun prince







If you take the top 3 players on the teams that are left, you get (and remember low bananas is good here):
Lakers: 5.5
Cavs: 5.5
Magic: 5.5
Nuggets: 6

Other notable totals:
Spurs 4, but derailed due to injury
Hornets 6
Celts 4, derailed due to injury
Rockets 6, injury
Bulls 7

Teams that need another banana to qualify:
Mavericks (sorry jason terry)
Blazers
Heat



Noah Schroeder and Daryl Kapp

weird video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3ZE8G8zu5A&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fsportsillustrated.cnn.com%2F2009%2Fextramustard%2Fhotclicks%2F05%2F21%2Fkara-dioguardi-magic-upset-cavaliers%2Findex.html&feature=player_embedded

3 days rule

Barney:
You know who invented the three days rule? Jesus

Hilarious

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYaTSbCGY50&feature=related

The Best of SWARLEY!!

Ted: "I gave Marshall one of my secrets."

Flashback: 

Ted: "You gave her the look right?? Head down, eyes looking up, hands in pockets, shoulders up, head slightly titled conveying shy vulnerability ."

Present:

Robin: "I love that look. I think I slept with you because of that look. And its fake?!?!"

Ted: "Oh, and you biting your lower lip, shyly looking away, and thrusting your chest 

out is natural?!?!"

Robin: "Ya, I hear ya."

Marshall: "She does not have the CRAZY EYES!!!"

Ted: "You just can't see it because you are afflicted with 'haven't been laid in a while blindness'"

FLASHBACK:

Random Hook-up: "Barney can I ask you a question??"

Barney: "ANYTHING"

RH: "Would you like to have a threesome??"

Barney: "ahh, of course!!"

RH: "GREAT, it will be me, you, and Mr. Weasels!!

Present:

Ted:"So, did you do it??"

Barney: "Nah, it ended up being just a twosome with the third one watching from a chair."

Ted: "Which one were you??"

Barney: "I'd rather not say."

SWARLEY QUOTES

No more Swarleeey

No more Bob Swarley mon

No more Swar--wait for it--ley

"I got a call for Swarles Barkley."

Ted: "Man, he is really going to flip when all the magazine subscriptions start coming in."

Robin: "Ya, I signed him up for People en Espanol, but I addressed it to 'Swarlos.'"

HIMYM lines again!

When a girl opens a lunch with an entire chicken you can assume she brought it for everyone! besides she had twelve sides! - ted

So now you're gonna make fun of her figure - barney




The cougar displays maximum cleavage, in order to captivate her prey. While you're watching them bounce, she's about to pounce - barney

HIMYM lines

"The fortress of barnitude" - Barney


"You spooned me against my will!" - Barney


"We're here, we're hungry, get used to it brunch!" - Marshall




"God i love brunch!" - Marshall

"Zucchini bread is redonkulous!" -Brad

"This isn't weird, right?" - Marshall

"Sorta thought it might be, but its not, and B-T-dub, you totally didn't oversell the eggs benney, this must be destiny, i have two tickets to mama mia. You like Abba? silly question. We're gonna do broadway bro-style!" - Brad



"We're peeing all over brunches, fancy dinners, AND musicals" -Marshall

Reasons to be glad we're not flatworms

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penis_fencing

I can't stop with the HIMYM lines!!!!

Marshall: "I have to admit, that was a very creative use of maple syrup."

Lily: "I know, I can't even look Mrs. Butterworths in the eye!"

Lily: "Thought you were writing a paper??"

Marshall: "Oh no, I blew that off. I'll get an extension. Schools' not important."

Robin: "I can't believe my baby sister is going to lose her virginity to a deusch with a fohawk. This can't happen!! You guys have to help me talk her out of it!"

Marshall: "Hmmmm...a speech to talk a girl out of having sex......"

Ted: "Ummm ya I don't have any of those."

Barney: "Discouraging premarital sex is against my religion."

I can't stop with the HIMYM lines!!!!

How I met your Mother (some good ones)

How I met your Mother (some good ones)

Girl: "Oh! I love koala bears!! Alright, what is your favorite thing about a koala bear?"

Randy: "They're...meat is delicious."

Stella:"Ted, you're staring at my breasts."

Ted: "In fairness, they were staring at me."

Barney: "Ted is too busy being in a lesbian relationship. And he's pregnant. Cause he's the girl."

Robin: "He can't be pregnant. You have to have sex to be pregnant."

WOULD YOU RATHER, ANSWERS

#1 Shaq, much more well known, could be used as a line in a bar. 

"Hey, I once got in a fight with Shaq."

#2 Yao Ming block head: A woman could more easily get over that than a neck beard. Thats just gross.

#3 The selfish part of me wants to sit courtside with erin andrews (hot!). But i couldn't say no to hanging with the square table (awesome) and some hot girls. But would we even have a chance with those cheerleaders?? I think we could each get one. We are good looking dudes, that is for sure. 

3 Basketball Related WYR's

Would you rather get in a fight with dejuan blair, ron artest, or shaq?

Would you rather grow a pau gasol neck beard, permanently and you can't claim its ok due to frenchness, or have a Yao Ming block head?

Would you rather have 2 courtside seats for you and erin andrews, or a luxury box with tickets for the square table and the cheerleading team of your choice? (i suggest either the tampa bay bucs, oregon ducks, or the miami heat)

HIMYM Lines

Ted: "i doubt architect would work on anyone"

Barney: "You create something out of nothing. You're like God. No one's hotter than God."

Ted: "I love it when you quote scripture"

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER

Favorite Lines

Barney: "God, your hand is monstrous."

Marshall: "What did you expect, you've seen my penis."

Ted: "No wonder your fake husband moved to Hong Kong."

Robin: (emphatically) "He moved there for business."

Marshall: "Gosh, its been 45 minutes already. We would have had sex 3 times by now"

Lily: "Try 5."

Both High Five!!

Murtaugh List Edits

Proposals by mr. Weinhold:

make #2 contingent upon solitude

By the way, are we too old or too young to drink alone?

"misremembering" is not beneath us yet

#7 Sword-fighting, yes that kind

#8 Laugh after someone says the phrase "69"

Murtaugh List

#1 Sleep in on or around toilet

#2 Eat a whole bag of: Doritos, Chips Ahoy

#3 Play "strip-" anything

#4 Watch a movie just for the sex scene

#5 Drink a sixpack of soda in 12 hours

#6 Wake up and not remember the prior night's end